What if it wasn’t real?
What if it wasn’t actually true?
What if none of it was reality?
What if all of those stories you tell yourself are made-up?
Your crappy job.
Your sh*tty relationship.
Your money issues.
The arguments with your family.
Those friends that drain you.
The body you are ‘dealing’ with.
You are a story teller, you know. Well, actually…you probably don’t know – this is why I am mentioning it now.
You tell yourself stories.
You tell others your versions of stories.
You hear other people’s stories.
You even copy stories from the people around you.
A lot of the stories you tell, are your parents stories (or whoever raised you).
We so desperately want to believe our own sh*t, we even find evidence to support the ‘stories’. Our brains want to be ‘right’.
Consider that for a moment.
What if it wasn’t even real?
Okay, okay, I can hear people saying ‘No, Emma…I really do have a sh*tty job/relationship/insert your thing here…’.
Maybe you do.
Maybe you don’t.
Maybe your sh*tty job is someone else’s dream job. Maybe your sh*tty relationship is someones idea of a ideal relationship. Should I go on?
Am I playing devil’s advocate? Perhaps. Perhaps not. However, if anything I am saying is hitting a nerve…then go with that…yes?
Maybe the story you have built around the ‘thing’ is bigger than the issue. You could have had that song on repeat for a while…yes? It now even ‘feels’ real. It feels massive and is taking over your life.
So what’s the answer?
Well, the way I see it – is create a NEW story. A new story about where you are at right now, versus where you want to be.
Let’s use the job as the example here (as I have been there many times, I’ll consider myself myself an expert on the matter to hand today).
“Oh man, this is sh*t. I can feel the dread in my tummy on a Sunday night…knowing what the week ahead will bring me. This job is sucking my soul dry – it’s against what I believe and what I value. It’s taking my time away from me and my family. I have such a dislike for it, I now wear a mask and no-one really knows how much I hate it…I feel like I have no options. No choice.”
“Yes the job is sucky, yes it feels soul deadening. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that this job isn’t for me, it’s against what I believe in. And I forgive myself for doing this. I forgive myself for having to turn up daily. I forgive myself for having to put on my ‘mask’ for self-preservation. Right now, this is how it is. Right now, I need the job to support me and my family. Right now, I forgive ME for all of this. I do have choice. I have choice in the way that I deal with this situation. I have a choice to direct my emotions and energy in what I CAN do instead. I CAN use this job to fund my study/living expenses/whatever, until I am ready to make the change. I CAN focus on what I can do, not what I can’t do. My new story is that everything happens at the right time for the right reasons. I thank myself for being in this position – I am learning daily what I shouldn’t be doing with my life.. I am learning extra patience, compassion and forgiveness. I have choice.”
**Note: this was me. I worked for many, many years in a job that sucked my soul dry and I felt like I had no choice. I felt that this was all I could do and it was incredibly depressing. The whole company’s actions/ethos taught me what NOT to do. I learnt so much about how NOT to run a business and in fact it has helped me since with my own business. I know how to treat people fairly as a result. I have even more compassion and patience with myself and others. I also learnt that I could forgive myself and not beat myself up for decisions that I made about my career.
One incident I remember clearly that made my decision to start my business to have greater flexibility with my family was – My daughter has been in Emergency overnight for stomach pain/vomiting and we got discharged at 2am. I called my boss before 8.30am to tell her that I couldn’t come in as she was still unwell and neither of us had slept. She said ‘You know Emma, sometimes you should have a plan B for situations like these…’. After that phone call, I spent the day working out my exit strategy from my full time job to having a successful business.
18 months later I walked out. In fact, I burnt my bridges too…in case I was tempted to return. (I won’t fill you in on that, but let’s say that I used my exit interview to it’s fullest and was quite brutal).
What skills did I bring to my business (apart from resilience/patience/a new story) ? So, so, so many!! I had asked to do extra internal courses (I was also studying outside of work too) and I got my ‘Train the Trainers’ certification (they paid for it, saving over $5K!). This meant that even to this day I can train at other organisations easily. I partly finished a Diplomas in Financial Services (To be honest I was bored senseless…) and this has meant that I know how to organise my own tax affairs and I know a sh*t load about superannuation/pensions for the future. I used my lunch breaks to read and keep learning/motivated/meditate. I used the money I was being paid to save a little ‘buffer’, plus I had been teaching myself how to build websites on the weekends. Yes it took 18 months to leave but I did it. I reckon knowing what I know now…I could do it in less than 6 months. But I also believe that I had to learn those lessons and the Universe had other plans.
Look, whether it’s a change in career, a crap relationship, debts or you not being friends with your body. You do have the choice to make a new story. A new story will change your life.
P.S If you are need an ‘ear and feedback’ I am running ‘one-off’ 30 min strategy sessions on Tuesday 28th February throughout the day 9am-3pm. These are usually $100 for 30 mins over the phone. But for this day only they are $39! And let me say, what we can achieve in 30 mins will blow your mind! If you are keen, send me a PM and let me know your preferred time between 9-3pm…first in best dressed! Aaaaand GO!
P.P.S This offer is only for people who are ready to take action and need to be called on their BS.